POLYTRON ANNOUNCES NEW CLOUD-GAMING SERVICE, GUANO-ON
For immediate release
Montreal, April 1st, The Future – Today, POLYTRON, world leader in leadership announces the launch of it’s brand new future-proof cloud-gaming service, GUANO-ON.
It is with uncontainable pride that POLYTRON today announces it’s first foray in the bold new world of cloud computing with GUANO-ON!
BUT WHAT IS IT?
GUANO-ON allows for isntant streaming of games to anything with a screen. Just sit down, relax and let GUANO-ON take care of all that nasty processing and computing for you.
Everything is handled server-side by GUANO-ON. Our one server takes care of everything and streams the red-hot next-gen graphics straight to your face. No more annoying cooling fan noise!
BUT HOW DOES IT WORK?
Simple! GUANO-ON collects the controller inputs from all online players, and averages out the input to a single, perfect input. We call this process “crowd-sourced social-controls 3.0″. The GUANO-ON server then processes the unique averaged input, and sends you back velvet-smooth audio-visual chocolate straight to your screen-enabled device of choice! A true democratic videogame revolution!
GUANO-ON supports anything with a screen! Televisions, monitors, iPhones, iPods, IPads, iPuds, DS, DSl, DSi, DSi XL, 3DS, DS4EVA or even one of those new-fangled fridges with internet access!
Simply sign up for the GUANO-ON LIVE NETWORK weekly access pass, and jump in whichever game our one server happens to be running, ANYWHERE!
GUANO-ON is currently negotiating with many of today’s top talents for exclusive GUANO-ON content.
WHAT’S ON? GUANO-ON IS ON. THAT’S WHAT’S ON.
GUANO-ON!
About POLYTRON:
Makers of fine computers and computers paraphernalia since 19XX
About GUANO-ON:
Both future-proof and the future, GUANO-ON is certain to guarantee it actually works.
Tags: GUANO-ON
April 1st, 2010 at 17:15
I’ll take it. I’LL TAKE TWELVE!
April 1st, 2010 at 17:17
THE FUTURE IS NOW
April 1st, 2010 at 17:22
Yeah but is on Facebook? Because I don’t just want GUANO in my face, I want in in my facebook.
April 1st, 2010 at 17:57
Does this support google android?
April 1st, 2010 at 18:21
This is so exciting!
@Krystian: Facebook is so GDC2010! The future of social gaming is clearly Burger King Twitter…
April 1st, 2010 at 18:22
Also: can we please have a hi-res of this image. Thank you that is all.
April 1st, 2010 at 18:28
I HOPE THIS SUPPORTS FEDGE.
April 1st, 2010 at 22:07
that’s as high-res as she goes, folks.
April 2nd, 2010 at 01:34
<- FOOD
Hahahaha
April 2nd, 2010 at 01:35
Bill Mooney’s gonna be thrilled!
April 2nd, 2010 at 02:34
I was shocked and burst into laughing while i realize that is an april fools joke.
April 2nd, 2010 at 04:30
Hah it’s funny because its the only update they have given in a long time, and it’s not an update at all, it’s a joke.
See it’s funny.
April 2nd, 2010 at 11:04
Dear M. Fish
Your idea is so great that i would like to meet you to make an offer to Polytron.
April 2nd, 2010 at 17:18
luv the diagram~
so crisp!
April 3rd, 2010 at 14:42
Smithy gets it.
4 months to the day.
therein lies the humor.
April 3rd, 2010 at 20:50
It all makes sense!
*cough* PC release for Tuhd
April 5th, 2010 at 10:53
yeah tuhd’s right actually, the real joke will be when (sometime in 2012) only owners of the rrod-o-tron actually get to play a polytron release
April 8th, 2010 at 06:34
I want guano-on so bad it hurts. Physically hurts.
April 9th, 2010 at 05:23
No other news except this one? The project seems dead! %(
April 12th, 2010 at 17:05
robert pelloni called. He wants his ‘build a fanbase and then let it disappear’ PR strategy back.
April 12th, 2010 at 17:11
you’re still here.
April 12th, 2010 at 18:00
Русские были здесь! Мы ждем Вашу игру
April 12th, 2010 at 21:17
if fez is never going to be released can you at least give us the igf demo build?
April 13th, 2010 at 15:11
Where’s FEZ!? Hibernation has long finished! It’s not if you developing a game that is going to give Modern Warfare a run for it’s money! How long does it take to create some retro styled 8bit sprites!
April 13th, 2010 at 15:15
it takes years, fuck off.
April 14th, 2010 at 05:04
Peoples calm down and stuff. If Tuhd can waits, you can waits. Secret to being great troll is patience, like troll who wait under bridge for food to pass by. Tasty things comes to thems who waits.
Maybe dig new basement while waiting?
April 14th, 2010 at 10:55
2 years and almost 2 months since the IGF 2008. Just sayin’.
April 15th, 2010 at 06:35
@Fish: – Very mature… I am after all a prospective purchaser of said game thus intitled to ask questions, even if they have a somewhat provoking tone. Provocation is only borne out of the frustration of having to wait so long, with the addition of hardly any updates on how FEZ is progressing. It seems you care not for your community, especially now with your blatant mouthing off… Get back to work Fish & finish the damn game… Acta non verba!
April 15th, 2010 at 20:25
That ONE server must be made of magic Jesus dust.
April 15th, 2010 at 22:57
@ Jimmy_James – As a potential buyer you’re entitled to ask ‘polite’ questions. And you may or may noy get an amswer, that’s not up to you, like life in general. In this case you got one.
You don’t seem to know how many pixels, colors, designs, layouts, puzzles, ideas, decisions he needs to make for that game. It’s not an old-school scroller, it is FOUR old-school scrollers, and they all must make sense with one another. How many trials-and-errors does it take?. He’s a creation/design team of ONE, do the fucking maths.
Now shut-up and learn patience. Might increase your own maturity rating.
April 18th, 2010 at 19:00
@Michel: -
“You don’t seem to know how many pixels, colors, designs, layouts, puzzles, ideas, decisions he needs to make for that game.”
Thats simply rectified by perhaps posting in the news & letting us all know whats entailed in developing FEZ (& other indie produced games for that matter). Even giving the community updates on FEZ’s progress too, this might help alleviate the frustration of some of the fans…
“He’s a creation/design team of ONE, do the fucking maths.”
I was already aware of this & no need to utter profanities to get your point across…
“Now shut-up and learn patience. Might increase your own maturity rating.”
No I will not “Shut-up”, I’ll remain to be very vocal in these news posts thank you. Thats why these posts exist surely? To create discussion & debate amongst your fan base. Perhaps in hindsight you should have kept FEZ under wraps for much longer if the development time was going to be so incredibly long…
April 19th, 2010 at 03:24
Tuhd laughs at flamewars in comments for april fool’s joke from developer of game about collecting hats
April 19th, 2010 at 18:48
I’m afraid of what could happen if the topic was about deferred lighting and ambient occlusion. Fez implements both, right?
RIGHT?
April 29th, 2010 at 15:44
so Fish, what’s ACTUALLY going on with Fez. It’s been 2.5 years since the teaser… surely 5/10 minutes to make a post won’t hurt, right?
Just saying. This game looks fucking awesome, but I want to know more about it before I buy, and if a 10 minute post could change my mind and the minds of many other gamers out there…
see my point?
April 29th, 2010 at 19:09
wow! is really cool!
April 30th, 2010 at 05:20
Tuhd have feeling good things are coming.
Is just feeling though.
May 16th, 2010 at 04:17
I for one really appreciated the under-the-hood look at the Fez engine and fezzer a while (years? Life is passing me by) ago.
Please, give us some sort of status update to it, I’d even be glad with ‘it’s on hold’ or ‘coming along slowly’. We just want confirmation that this isn’t another Duke Nukem Forever. Sure, it’s in development limbo, who wouldn’t have guessed, but please tell us it /is/ being worked on, that’s all I need, thank you.
May 16th, 2010 at 04:22
Oh. Btw, GUANO-ON really does sound like a hell on an interesting experiment. I’d like to know whether the conscious collective could play a game of, say Pong or space invaders as a neural network. You could even divide the whole lot of people into two groups and let them play against each other. I wonder how much noise there would be…
Also, how does divergence of collective input evolve with increasing complexity of the game premise? How ‘unified’ are the players playing Pong vs. Tetris vs. Crysis? It’s kinda Zen: be one with all of humanity…
This thing has got to see the light of day!